The actual implications of an independent Scotland far exceed any jumped-up rhetoric. Like a teenager, then, we trade in some of our autonomy for financial security. How would the SNP make up for this loss? And how do they explain their dismal domestic record, anyway? And if Trainspotting were set today, the scenes would be even grimmer. Glasgow now has the highest rate of drugs-related deaths in Europe.
Of course, none of these failures necessarily translates into a reason to vote Conservative. To the extent that it exists at all, the animosity between England and Scotland is more rhetorical than rational. Which figures. To subscribe to the print and digital editions, including a full digital archive, click here. Madeleine Kearns Features. No related posts. Apparently, it was a time-travelling revisionist critique of the aftermath of the battle of Culloden, so might have been worth seeing.
True, she was trying to topple her cousin, Elizabeth I of England, and install herself on the throne but executing her was a bit rich. Especially that bit when the executioner held up her decapitated head and her wig fell off. We know he's an arachnophilic national hero and all that, but when he came to pitch the movie of his life on CBBC's Horrible Histories , we shouldn't have been so dismissive.
He was, as you know, dragged by horses four miles through London to Smithfield. There he was hanged, but cut down while still alive. Then he was disembowelled and probably emasculated. His heart, liver, lungs and entrails thrown into a fire and his head chopped off, and his corpse cut into bits. His head was put on a pole on London bridge, some part sent to Newcastle, and other remains to Berwick, Perth and Stirling or perhaps Aberdeen , as a warning to the Scots.
A good ticking off might have sufficed. We thought it was supposed to be a comedy. Turns out it wasn't. That must have hurt. We don't mean Texas or Big Country, though. They're rubbish. Turns out he isn't funny or clever. Same goes for George Galloway. Perhaps if you stay in the Union we could move it to the front, unless it ruins the composition.
Let's talk, yeah? Of course you could always use it to invade the Faroe Islands if nothing else. What was the full quote again? Oh yes. They're just wankers. We, on the other hand, are colonised by wankers. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonised by. We are ruled by effete arseholes.
But that's not the point. We have tried to stop being wankers, but it's really hard! That's just how we are. But we realise that we have thereby contributed to your tragi-comic national psyche. Our bad. It's just that we've done so much bad stuff that we've had to say lots of other sorrys before we got to you. If only we'd been more like Ireland. They only had to apologise for Jedward. Oh yes, and Chris de Burgh. But look.
Tell us what you'd need to stay. A no-peeking-under-the-kilt law? The outlawing of "jokes" implying Scots eat only deep-fried Mars bars and scorn salads by means of a Proscription of Hate Speech Scotland Act? A start in future rugby internationals? Nae bother. And Gerard Butler earlier revealed that he has to thicken his accent whenever he returns home to Scotland after years of living in the US. We pay for your stories and videos! Do you have a story or video for The Scottish Sun? Email us at scoop thesun.
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